café confidential

i saw you today
and looked away,
which feels sad to say…
because i know you
in such an intimate way;
but maybe it’s okay
blending in with the they,
so that between us
your secrets stay.

love without regret

drawing back the curtains
letting light in to remain
things don’t stay the same
they change again and again

there’s no time to be angry
for what has or hasn’t happened yet
not loving life enough or
appreciating it would be my only regret

talking

i ask you what you think
you say that you don’t know,
like staring at a locked door
i’m unsure where to go.

but perhaps you really don’t know
i’m wondering today…
how could you,
until you hear what you say?!

Deliver me!

This morning…

You loved like a drug
Cursing my veins;
But never again,
Because all that changed
After 12am…

Yesterday…

You love like a drug
Cursing these veins of mine,
But I don’t have time
To poison this life of mine…
Where did the good girl go?
The one I used to know:
Sugar and spice,
Now fire or ice,
O.d’d on ‘wise advice.’
A psycho in your eyes
S’much for a cute surprise!
If only I knew
A year ago next week,
I’d act like a freak,
A river that’s leaked,
An unstoppable force.
My voice is coarse,
From all the screams,
Release me please,
From this dead end dream;
And a life of blaspheme…

night vision

all this time

gazing into eyes of mine

you’ve been seeing you

no vision so true

a star in the dark

that’s driven us apart

twisted fate

lover
you have gone to so much trouble
to be with me, and me with you
now what will we do?
too scared to leave, and to be
here in the face of our misery
my body still shaking
my anguished soul breaking
smashed and done
like the bottle of lagavulin
every single lie a shard
sticking into me so hard
i do not know
if it hurts more to stay or go…
show up LOVE before too late
and help with this twisted fate
i need a King and
we need Saving.

dark blue

such a
dark day
my hope
so far away
doesn’t he know
i don’t want to go
i need him to lead
and to please
stand tall
telling me all
saving us from
this mess
with an ability
to confess
what must i do?
who do i turn to?
where are you??!
save me from
this darkest blue…

Figuring it out.

I don’t know what is in store
As I turn thirty four
But one thing is for sure
I can’t take much more
Of being behind this closed door.

I am lying in the spare bed
Thinking of people that are dead
Their loved ones would give anything
To have them here instead.

We still have a chance to be
Loving each other practically,
Physically and emotionally
Others don’t have that possibility.

Perhaps that’s what marriage is
Not imaginary bliss
But the time to discover each day
Another path, another way.

So my birthday wish is to start anew,
and my hope is to figure it out with you.

burnt.

the sun often stares at me
hiding itself behind the trees
i can’t look it in the face
or linger too long in it’s embrace
it damages my eyes
gives me premature lines
it can kill in fact
which is so sad
despite it’s warmth

it’s not that good for me
however much i love it.

it makes me think of you
the way you hide truth
warm and sweet
a dangerous treat
basking in all the joy
is only a ploy
for me to think we are one
like soaking in the sun
only to realise
you lie to my eyes
and hurt me to my surprise

you’re not that good for me
however much i loved you.

It’s my own special story.

Something happens in my life

I tell you, you tell your wife

The next day everyone knows

There’s nothing Facebook doesn’t show.

I don’t want secrets or lies

But what happened to private lives?

Even if I don’t feed my name

I appear on it all the same

Something special gets taken away

By everyone having their say

I wonder how I’ll keep the intimacy of a wedding day

If everyone keeps publicising this way

Keeping up with appearances, a need to portray

That you’ve got it together come what may…